6 Signs You Have a Healthy nacking Life

 


You don't know what's going on in your neighbors' bedrooms (and, quite frankly, don't want to). But you're probably a little curious to know how your s*x life stacks up. For example, how often are other couples doing it? And is it weird that you and your partner always do the same things? What would a therapist say about your s*x life?

Here, 6 ways to know if your bedroom behaviors are healthy—and what you can do to improve things if they're not:

You Feel Good About Your Body

 In a University of Texas study on women ages 18 to 49, those who scored highest on a body image scale were also the most sexually satisfied. One reason: Dwelling on the size of your thighs or belly distracts you from pleasurable sensations during sex. In turn, that can affect things like lubrication and the ability to have an orgasm. Exercise—regardless of weight loss—has been shown to boost self-esteem and body confidence. (And you can get that boost fast with Fit in 10, Prevention's fitness plan that only takes 10 minutes.) Another surprising thing you can do right now? Listen to your heart. Turning "inward" and listening to your body's signals—like your heartbeat—can bolster your self-image, reveals research in PLOS One.
 

You're Not Afraid to Ask for What You Want (and He Isn't Either)

 "Good sex is all about finding your perfect recipe," says certified sex therapist Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., of SexSmart.com. While you can't expect your partner to read your mind, he or she should be open to learning about and responding to what you want. If you find it tough to state your sexual hopes, you may find texting your partner about your fantasies is easier than face-to-face or in-the-moment declarations of desire.

Sometimes You Schedule It

A lot of people feel like sex should arise from a spontaneous bout of lust. But that's not always required. "Unless you're living a life of leisure and your kids are grown and out of the house, I think scheduling sex is a good idea," says Zoldbrod. She suggests planning your night around it. Get the kids dinner, and put them to bed. Order in a light meal that won't leave you stuffed or left with a pile of dishes. Then do something to de-stress—like watching a funny TV show or movie together. You'll find it easier to get in the mood after relaxing, says Zoldbrod.

You're Not Counting

  Whether you're doing it a few times a week or once a month, focusing on a number isn't a great way to assess your sex life, says Kristin Zeising, Psy.D., a certified sex therapist in San Diego. In a study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, researchers randomly assigned couples to double the number of times they had sex. Compared to a control group that went about their lives as normal, those who did the deed more weren't any happier. Putting pressure on yourself to have more sex may turn it into another to-do item, which drives down satisfaction, the research indicates. On the other hand, the study authors say traveling to new locales or going on date nights—opening up natural opportunities to have sex more often—may make it more enjoyable.


 You like it

 No matter how many times a week or month you get busy, whether you orgasm or not, and whether someone would characterize your sex life as crazy or vanilla, the most important sign is that you enjoy it. "Do you feel closer to your partner afterwards? Are you in a better mood? Those are the questions that really have meaning," says Zoldbrod.

You Skip Pity Sex

 Zoldbrod calls this "mercy sex." It's when you have sex because your partner wants to—even though it's the last thing you want. Some experts say you shouldn't turn down your partner. Zoldbrod says mercy sex is acceptable on occasion, but a steady diet of it can tank your libido by training your brain to think of sex as a chore. It's completely fine to turn down your partner in a nice way if you're not feeling it, says Zoldbrod. But if you do say no, try to be the one who initiates sex the next time to show your partner you desire him.


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